Fuck Yeah Tripod \m/

Guide To A Tulsa MOE……

1.YES Oklahoma is Hanson’s home; there isn’t a “HOME OF” sign when you enter the state. Please refrain from grabbing your lucky sharpie and defending their honor on a water tower by crossing out Carrie Underwoods name. (Apparently she gets all pissy about it) 

2.Talking to the locals, don’t be offended if people have no idea Hanson is still making records. It’s a cruel world.

3.Before you fondle, lick or hump the door at 3CG…. Think “Security Cameras”.

4.Construction! … Construction!!…. Construction!!! …(This will make sense when your end up lost and late to everything)

5.Tulsa spelled backwards ….A SLUT….

6.The bar across the street from 3CG…. You’re not on official business for the FBI (Fine body investigation)…. AND You’re not brilliant…

7. The “Thinking About Something” video shoot street is a REAL street, NOT a place to re-enact the flash mob scene, unless you plan on touring the Tusla ER. Oh by the way…say hi to the nurses for us. J/k

8.Please don’t throw rocks when you find that the giant oilman is just a giant oilman and NOT a statue of Taylor in his Indiana Jones hat. (We know we were shocked to)

9.Everyone who has been a Hanson Fan for longer than a minute knows what cars they drive. (And thanks to twitter Zac’s plate number) but hiding in Zac’s truck, Taylor’s Range Rover (its sliver btw) or Ikes (black) SUV is called “Breaking and Entering” Come on say it with us “ B..R..E..A..K..I…N..G…& …E..N..T..E..R…I..N..G” it’s not a cute way to yell surprise. It’s a felony…

(Same goes for breaking in to their place of business and getting video of it, or…just about anywhere within 5ft of any of their properties. )

10.Yes you can drive by the MOE house. DRIVE  is the key word here. (PS: it’s on a hill…so yeah it sucks to park ANYWAY and what are you gonna do? Park? Fight the river flies and ticks and look at an empty house with porch lights on? Steal some dirt?)

11.The alley behind 3CG…is just an alley behind 3CG, not where they are hiding all the Isaac songs. So, don’t park your car,your camera or your ass over there. Not worth it. Nothing happens…And most likely cops will tell you off! 

12.Everyone can see you and Hanson can see everyone. Keep this in mind before you get so wasted you start hitting on the 4th Hanson brother. Which by the way…ew! 

13.Now that you know what some of their vehicles look like…do your BEST and try to keep yourself from using that KIA 1.0 you rented from BUDGET as a vehicle right out of an episode of COPS chasing that blue truck on the highway. You’ll be left biting it’s dust…plus…get a ticket…plus never be able to rent a vehicle in Tulsa again…and so on.

14.After you’ve already seen the “Children Of The Corn” and scarily identified every single one of them…some of you will have the urge to snap a candid shot…but if you’re anything like US that will just be another reason for you to go ahead and have yet ANOTHER shot at the bar down the street. MOE with alcohol = much more fun! So liquor up sisters! We endorse your alcohol poisoning in the name of Hanson! 

15. To drive around town…rolling the windows down…blasting Hanson…pre-MOE…SO…NOT…COOL! Please…just…don’t!

16. The Mexican restaurant on the other side of 3cgs look we aren’t going to lie, great guacamole, good prices, however the wait staff. They know why you’re in town. You know how they know? Because about 25 other groups of Fansons just happen to pop in from 10:00am to 10:00pm the day before..

17.You would think group pictures are a great opportunity to discuss your hopes and dreams with Hanson. This only is possible if you’re part of the make a wish foundation. Otherwise be prepared for something that goes faster than Zac at an all you can eat Mexican buffet at closing time.

18. Lining up outside the venue is what we like to call “Jack N the Box”. You want to show off your outfit you spent many moons planning .We get that. We all do it. But we can’t stress this enough “if your going to flaunt it, don’t stuff yourself in a outfit you had to jump, pull, tug, blame on the dyer, or lay down to zip up” See everyone has nothing to do while standing there but stare at you making bets on which body part will pop out first. Hence “Jack N The Box”

19.Bring plenty of cash to buy Merch. Most of the time credit cards aren’t accepted. On the count of after the event is over and your outside in the fanson cluster fuck, Hanson is in the back of the venue rolling around in all the money… It’s kinda a MOE tradition…  ( maybe ;)

Question & Answer’s:(If there is one)

The question and answer portion of a Hanson MOE is your signal that things are about to come to an end. If you’re like us you want your 40 bucks worth, your rental car fee’s worth or that flight you booked on Priceline that had you traveling for 10 hours with 2 lay over’s worth. Sorry 45 mins isn’t enough. This is where you have to try and sober up and work as a team. (Its twisted we know, but so was Shout it out and the New EP not having any Ike songs) 

Tripods Plan A:   

The goal here is to get the Oldman on a rant. YOU WOULD THINK to go after Zac..BRRRRR wrong! IF you don’t think that mama bird (Zac) brought his baby bird (The Xbox) to the event and there is a game on pause waiting for him. We would like your Hnet card back…. SO this Hanson isn’t the wise choice.

Next would be Taylor.. Now let’s stop and think about this. Yes, Taylor loves to hear his own voice… And if you guys just wanting to see if you can get Taylor to turn the bright red color of his shoes, then just ask him to explain where babies come from…That should do it…! Or he could possibly just get offended in a way and make sure he let’s you know you’re an idiot. Publicly.

N’EWAYS Going after Taylor to prolong your MOE experience is a bad idea because even a TayGirl gets bored after 10 mins of guess what senior citizen I hangout with for 200 plz…

The pot of gold at the end of the MOE rainbow is OldmanBadass …

Any Ike girl knows getting the Oldman on a soap box is the fucking yellow brick road to OZ.

IKe girls listen up! We think if want to be in the same room with your Oldman for a few more mins you’re going to have to take one last swig from your flask of whiskey you smuggled in and raise your hand…

Zac & Taygirls..If you want extra mins staring at the Rockmane and Windex blue eyes you’ll just smile laugh and nod.(To those who swear it’s only about the music and you didn’t even notice the hair *rolls eyes) ( besides Its fun to count how many times Ike forgets what he is even talking about in his own story)

Here’s sample questions:

1. Ask about his thoughts on Gibson GTRS… After the steam clears his ears…The phrase “The interesting thing about it” will start and you can breathe. (In 2008 Ike ranted about this topic for 35 extra mins. Best nap at a Hanson event to date)

2. If you don’t get a rise out of him that way, you might as well go for “Why is Makers Mark better than Jack Daniels in your opinion?” or…”Please list your 5 favorite drinks and how to prepare them in order”.

*WARNING!!!!!!!!! Ikes blatter is apparently the size of a dime. He is known for disappearing to the can during a event …If this happens proceed to MOE 911

MOE 911:

If plan A fails then its time for plan B (no. Not that one pill some of y’all already dabbled in one time or another!)…This is where you pull out the crap I haven’t finished my beer or what no group pictures? OH Hell! NO card.

Use this only in case of MOE emergency… EMERGENCY ONLY!

Someone has to ask a actual music question. Timing is everything…So don’t fuck it up…

But listen to our warning…This could turn into extra mins of good times or extra mins of the 3 of them geekin out over some studio mixer while you bang your head on the chair in front of you…. So use it wisely!

If you have ANY other questions regarding MOE, please direct all of your questions to our official twitter account! @The_Tripod3

When you have close friends (we’re assuming all of you reading this have at least one…yes the pet counts) you tend to come up with a code or phrases, a way to talk about something or someone that no one else gets. That’s what Tripodisms are really, our Hanson code. 

Now you’re probably thinking to yourself  ”Then why are you telling the world if it’s a code?”  Don’t get us wrong, we aren’t trying to be too narcissistic, but we thought…why the hell not?  We tweet them, so why not let you guys in on our little Tripod secret?

PLUS, WE coined these “isms” just cause that’s what we do (We add a little sweet fuckery to everything). We do love that you guys are playing along with our silliness & feel free to borrow them, tweet them all you want…Cause sharing is caring. Hopefully this will help you guys understand a little bit of the madness that is The Tripod 3. 

So here is a compilation of the most common Tripodisms & a little short background story about how they came about:

 
ISAAC-

Typically Isaac is known as: Ike or Oldman, but we thought ZZZZZ boring…so we came up with different ones.

#OldManBadass: Yeah we know it still has the OldMan part in it…how original right? Well before you click off your screen & go back to Hnet for another 15 threads on “The first time I saw Taylor” or “Why didn’t I get front row I was there 12 days before”, or our fave “Drunk bitches at shows”, just go with us for a sec. 

You know that Robert Palmer video “Addicted to Love” (not familiar? Youtube it) For some reason we always thought if Isaac ever had a side project it would look like this. Him, a mic & about 100 chicks in tight dresses dancing …The reason he doesn’t get more leads is because of our vision (not really) & clearly Zac and Taylor would have some issue with leg shaving…BOOOOOO…(We think They would be purrdy)

He smokes cigars, drinks straight whiskey, flips drunk ass fansons off while ON STAGE, he owns a pipe & he isn’t even 70!

The man owns a “Powder Blue Samba Suit” (yet another Tripodism!)  Whether you’re #TeamCombOver or #TeamFauxHawk he’ll give it to ya straight up.  We added the Badass part after he stopped a show yelled at a guy for hitting a chic.If thats’s not badass…Fuck you got us..

The Suit: Pretty umm obvious don’t ya think? I mean he wears them…all the time…Sometimes we wonder if he sleeps in them? Do they make suit jammies? We really miss the days when he was supporting Goodwill & Salvation Army (not raiding Barry Manillow’s closet).

Dr.Jones: You know Taylor’s Indiana Jones hat? (BTW we Are going to claim that coin for the next story you’re about to read) he stole it from Ike (no real proof BUT everyone knows Taylor is a sneaky bitch) A few tours ago he wore it & we remember seeing him in it for the 1st time & broke out singing the theme song (cause we relate everything to some form of music or movie that we love). After a lot of shit we gave him on a walk once…it stuck like chuck. P.S he was a super good sport about it (cause helllooo he is just Badass like that)
 
Senator Hanson: This is one of our oldest Tripodisms, see before Hanson hit 90k followers…There was just 30k & if any of you remember…Isaac used to tweet A LOT Of patriotic shit & current events ANNND the weather…ANNNND what was going on while he was watching CNN…let’s be honest…it was boring as hell…just like The Gettysburg Address “For scores and 7 years ago” So “The Senator” or “Senator Hanson” was born… cause we felt like he was running for office…Senator Hanson in 2055?  It could happen!

Father Ike-  He will forgive your sins & teach Sunday School (remember to wear your Hanson School Cardigans & plaid skirts!)

TAYLOR- 

See Taylor has always been known as just Tay…every once in a while someone calls him Jordan.  You have to admit it’s super weird to think of Taylor as a Jordan …White Men Can’t Jump…(Taylor bounces…There’s a difference) So again we were laughing about something during a Livestream (shocker right?) & that’s when…

Dj Quick Pix was born. For a while there Taylor wore a giant red camera around his neck. Why? We don’t have a freakin’ clue (maybe it had his address on the back in case he wandered off to take a picture of gum under a bench or something, like the “If found plz return to…etc…) 

For a moment we wonder if he was losing it or just starting to embrace his geekdom, but as the Livestream went on he made some random (We know shocker again! Taylor, random? NEVER!) reference to rappers & tweeted about booties shaking, PLUS he knows the thong song (who doesn’t right? But when the least likely person you’d expect knows it, it takes its funniness to a whole new level) (retarded) Again it’s one of those things that came after our suspicions that someone watches ‘Jersey Shore’ were confirmed (too bad those legs haven’t seen sun since 1998. He could use some bronzer even though he makes most of us blush, Damn those Windex blue eyes!)

Dr.Khakis- During 5of5 in the UK every picture of Taylor that surfaced he seemed to have these Khaki pants on & somehow a comment was made between us saying he got them at Kmart (he wore the #KmartKhakis at the Sounds Like Paper event at Roseland in NYC. One of us is still scarred) then he said something in a radio interview about being Doctor Love, anyway we put it together & Wham! Paging Dr. Khakis was born….Oh! And the first time The Tripod TG got a picture with Taylor he had khakis on…she thought she was going to pass out from noticing the HUGE amount of ummm Khaki pants standing next to her…If ya know what we’re saying….out loud…for the world to read…Is it hot in here? Are y’all hot? Maybe just the thought of khakis…someone call a Doctor… Having khaki flashes. (This was however a really long time ago & she’s since been through Kmart blue light special rehab)

Keys – This isn’t a rocket science term we know, but he used to bang on the piano… (When they were fun)(*cough*TTA) again it wasn’t a rocket science title but shit…it’s easy to remember…and gosh darnit we liked it! In fact a friend of ours did an interview for a news crew during a Hanson event and when asked if they had nicknames she dropped the Keys a few times…it was awesome!

Shadow Puppets (Taylor’s Hair): All through the last few tours his haircut has been such a hot mess (Porcupine Hair) & he had this lil’ cowlick piece of hair ( One of us still thinks Zac cut his hair one night on a Mt Dew induced dare. We have yet to prove this theory, but rest assured we have our crime lab team working on it around the clock).  ANYWAYS… we couldn’t help but be distracted by the fact that the little fly-aways were making shadow puppets on the wall behind him when the light hit just right.

It became a joke to take a picture of Taylor’s ‘Dennis the Menace’ look every time we saw them. I think we’re the only people who own that many pics of Taylor’s shadow puppet hair…Its kind of twisted…maybe someday we’ll make an evolutionary timeline with music & a bunch of GIFs…It’s not creepy…its art!

 “The Organist”- We all know Hanson likes to look all Holy AMEN kind of deal with their lives etc…So Taylor, of course couldn’t be anyone other than the Organist in the Holy Church of Rock & Roll. Plus the hotel lounge-lizard music he plays while the other two talk…OMG …Are we there yet? Are we there yet? No serious are we there yet? Tip Jar anyone?

 

ZAC-

Zac’s by far the EASY-est (no chastity belt pun intended) to come up with names or phrases about…He makes it waaaay too easy…but that’s what we Love about him.  Who else do you know that’s willing to make a HUGE GIANT MONSTROUS ASS outta himself ON FILM most of the time than Zac Hanson?  We have to give him credit, he owns his craft well.

“STICKS” - what do you get when you have a sassy chick who doesn’t have a clue who Zac Hanson is (*GASP* Right? OK before the hate mail starts…It was right after Zac transformed from SuperFudge to the Incredible HULK, she knew who the BAND Hanson was, but he didn’t look familiar, just that he was pretty). So Zac is at her job & when she asks who that is, they answer “that’s the drummer”.  So she walks over, puts out her hand, “Wattup Sticks”.  BOOM!

“Zero”-  Another way to describe Zac Hanson’s puritan lifestyle. No alcohol, No tattoos, No drugs, No fun, No Sugar…no tear in my beer. Hence…Zero! 
 
#AltarBoyZac - We know what you’re thinking: “Is this a jab at Mister Ceremonial Garb?” Hell NO, that’s not our style. It IS however our Catholic School Girl style to imagine TTA Zac in a confessional with some wine ;-) #Reconciliation (20 Hail Marys & no not the Tupac kind & we’re all good). 

 #FatZac- REALLY? Did y’all forget? Apparently HE has, so it’s our job to REMIND him. Whenever possible!!! *now accepting photo submissions of Zac & food* Just Kidding! (not really, submit them! We love his Fat Ass!) But it’s just funny to take someone who clearly belongs in some roman temple wearing a toga holding a lightning bolt & tease them about the ounce of baby pudginess they once had) (cough*STILL HAVE*cough) (No baggy button-up shirt & Man-Spanx are hiding that AL BUNDY need-to-unzip-your-pants tummy chub. Speaking of PANTS, we all know he spends as much time as he can not wearing them. And much like AL, he probably has a secret “NO MA’AM” club where they sit around on an old dirty couch on someone’s front lawn drinking piss beer talking about their pickup trucks, guns & the chicks who work at Hooters!) We know we’ll never even make the tiniest of dents in that ego, it’s WAYYY too large. Again not another fat joke…Just sayin’…he can take it! Zac will ALWAYS “take the cake”.

 When sporting the glorious #RockAndRollMANE (another Tripod coined nickname) (meaning Team #NoHairCuts) we can pretend that Zac is a badass Rockstar. When he sports the #Goldilocks (Zac: Sun-In is your friend) preferably DIRTY with matching goatie or full-on #BarryGibbBeard, add ripped jeans, leather, ROCKER T-shirts such as LED ZEP, Hendrix, Sabbath etc…(preferably unwashed) add a filthy mouthed pervert & BOOM… Zac is the ultimate 70’s Rocker \m/ #Incendiary

#FullBodyDrumming: Look we don’t know what the fuck that ghetto box thingy is but it gots to go! (wah wah we KNOW it’s a cajone, did you know what the other Smurfs do to Brainy? ;-) Zac is a DRUMMER! Not the UPS guy, his ass is never on time…even with a tracking number (GPS on the IPHONE). The best thing about it is the jazzercise (step ball bang step ball bang), yoga pose he takes while banging it…with it?)  We used to love his head-banging days but we realize the BENEFIT of switching from head-mic to the mic attached to the pole: he can’t headbang anymore BUT he rocks that WHOLE BODY now! I mean hellooo, he bangs with his HIPS! o_O moving on….

Quick list of phrases:

Whenever the boys are lookin’ GOOOOD —-> #BowChickaBowBow (that’s PORNO music btw)..

or  Hubba Hubba Hanson followed with a Humina Humina Humina…(Male cartoon characters of the 30s-40s would say this when seeing a particularly hot dame. This term is not exclusive to males, however. -UD.com) 

When y’all are being crazy: #NinjaPLEASE   or creepy: #JiggaJiggaSlimSHADY 

 When we need to take a bitch down or defend a friend, enter one of our fave “Newsies” quotes: “Let’s Soak ‘em for Crutchie!” When Hanson stopped livestreaming (broke the stream pack) we used this at them a lot…because if you haven’t noticed the livestreams RULE…It’s fucking Hanson in your living room LIVE…without the touching part of course…BOOOO!

 I SAID GOOD DAY! – It’s our way of ending a totally bitchy/asshole/stfu comment with a little sugar… #AndWorldPeace

 #MacDaddyMakeYouJumpJump: (member the group Kris Kross? ) It’s a way to describe Taylor’s ability to make a full crowd of women play Simon says with just a simple hand gesture (fucker gets us every time).

 New Rule-This is simple our phrase for changing the game or the rules on twitter/Hnet (member we don’t make them nor do we want to, we just like to fuck with the exsiting ones)

Team Pink Lady over Sandra Dee any day (ie: loosen up! ). Hobby Lobby puffy paint: “DON’T BE THAT GUY”.

 #RaisinAday a term for “pre tour diet”! We all wanna look nice and fit in our shiz…not look all jacked up like we’re trying to sausage case ourselves instead of wearing an outfit to a show. Therefore the most effective way to look almost perfect would theoretically be to eat a raisin a day, so you can say you actually ATE something. But we clearly would never recommend anyone to do so nor do we endorse this. It’s purely a way to say “dieting”! (“OMG!…I am soooo not fitting into my favorite jeans, concert is in like 2 weeks…I TOTALLY gotta raisin a day!”)

 So there you have it…A little of our Hanson code we use.

Just a really short (You should hear us at the bar…We put Ike to shame) Blog on our Tripodisms 

 …And Remember kids…Don’t try to attempt this at home…We are running outta bail money as it is… ;)

(Source: fuckyeatripod.tumbr.com)